Weight

The evil seed
Rooted itself in my heart
And cursed me to succeed. 
For a moment, I was deaf, and life was sweet—
Then all the noises
Painted across my eyes and
Dilated each iris with different colours of fear, 
Maybe
Some anger, too. 
I thought of all the words that
You said, and chewed on each bitter syllable. 
The poison lingered and refused to go. 
I could picture your disappointment in me. 
You promised future
With your experience and expectation
But I couldn't even see myself tomorrow.

I covered my face
In shame and
Searched for a comfortable position. 
I wanted to be fooled—I wanted to pretend
That I was not hurt, and how
My limbs were not my own. 
I wanted to stop all the 
Shivering and screaming
At once.

It was four
And this confined little space was
So quiet that
I could believe anything.

Dale Chou
2000-03-28